Lost Dreams Regained

Since I was a little girl

I've had these wonderful dreams

Dreams that formed and shaped

Who I strived to be

 

But I made a mistake

I put those dreams in front of You

I made them first and put you behind

I lost perspective

 

Now I realize

Your dreams for me are far better

Than anything I have planned

You have control

 

And if this is all there is

You're still in control

If this is all there is

I will be happy

 

If this is all there is

I will be content

If this is all there is

It is more than enough for me

 

All that I need

You give to me and more

I just need to remember that

Your plans are best

 

 

As the days come and go

I see all my dreams fulfilled

Not in the ways I planned

But in ways far greater

 

You've filled my life

With variations of my dreams

It may not be what I had in mind

But it's better than I imagined

 

And if this is all there is

You're still in control

If this is all there is

I will be happy

 

If this is all there is

I will be content

If this is all there is

It is more than enough for me

 

Hurt

Hurt. It’s a word that I don’t like to talk about. Nothing is supposed to be able to hurt me. I serve the Almighty God, Maker of heaven and earth. How dare I feel hurt by mere humans? And yet I do. Sometimes (like now) I just want to curl up in a ball and forget that there are other people in the world. And the stupidest part is that the pain I feel is mostly caused by myself. I set up unrealistic expectations from people and then I’m hurt when they don’t live up to my plans. This summer I got used to certain people never letting me down. But now, the people letting me down are the people I love the most this summer and I don’t know what to do about it. I hurt. They probably don’t even know what they’ve done. In fact, they haven’t even done that much. But what most people don’t realize about me is how very insecure I am. Like extremely insecure. So my friends are talking about something, around me, but not too me. And I freak out because I feel like they don’t trust me enough to tell me. Because apparently, they don’t. And I hurt. My friend, my friend who told my mother that I helped him survive this summer, keeps going back to the friends who ditched him. And I hurt.
When does the knowledge that God is enough reach to the heart? I’ve said it; I know it; I believe it. So why isn’t that good enough? Why do I still hurt?