“What Wild at Heart did for men, Captivating can do for women. This groundbreaking book shows readers the glorious design of women before the fall, describes how the feminine heart can be restored, and casts a vision for the power, freedom, and beauty of a woman released to be all she was meant to be. By revealing the core desires every woman shares-to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure, and to unveil beauty-John and Stasi Eldredge invite women to recover their feminine hearts, created in the image of an intimate and passionate God. Further, they encourage men to discover the secret of a woman's soul and to delight in the beauty and strength women were created to offer.”
Sounds pretty good right? I tend to be a biased reader when it comes to books about femininity and beauty; I expect them all to be horrible. Why? Is it because I believe in feminism and female empowerment? Not at all! I can’t stand the feminist movement! It robs women of any chance they had of being feminine. I find these types of books horrible because I don’t think godly femininity is something that can be humanly taught. Every woman’s quest for femininity and godly beauty is a special, glorious journey with God. You can tell me as often as you want that I am “beautiful in God’s sight” but I’m not going to believe it until God teaches me. A process I believe takes the entirety of a woman’s life.
All of that aside, I attempted to be objective as I flipped through the pages of this book. However I still found the message to be warped and potentially devastatingly harmful to young women. I have not read the whole book, but I did find a review of Captivating that very clearly explained all the problems I was finding in this book. Tim Challis describes some of the main flaws I saw in this book:
“I was surprised to see that the book paid scant attention to those passages of the Bible that particularly address women. I do not recall any attempt to interact with Paul’s epistles; Proverbs 31 received only one mention, and it was only in the context of sneering at the church’s fixation with that traditional role model. In fact, the only passages that received any significant attention were Genesis 2 and 3. The authors rewrote Genesis 2:18, which most translations render similar to “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” They turned to a commentary and translation written by Robert Alter and suggested a better translation of the verse is “I will make a sustainer beside him” (page 27). Strangely, though, they later seem to indicate that a man does have some sort of authority over his wife.
Eldredge rehashes the worst of The Sacred Romance, drawing extensively from Hosea and Song of Solomon and using sexual terminology. He says that God has a deep, fiery, passionate love for women and that He wishes to romance us. “Think of one of the most romantic scenes you can remember, scenes that made you sigh. Jack with Rose on the bow of the Titanic, his arms around her waist, their first kiss. Wallace speaking in French to Murron, then in Italian: “Not as beautiful as you.” Aragorn, standing with Arwen in the moonlight on the bridge in Rivendell, declaring his love for her. Edward returning for Elinor in Sense and Sensibility, and professor Behr returning for Jo at the end of Little Women. Now, put yourself in the scene as the Beauty, and Jesus as the Lover” (page 114). This clearly goes far beyond the biblical metaphors for God’s love.
Ironically, while God is presented as a wild Romancer, He is also presented in an emasculated form. We are told that God has been wooing you. We are told that “you are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill. He longs for you” (page 120). This almost seems to indicate that God needs us to make His joy and satisfaction complete. There are often several references to our need to minister to the heart of Jesus through our worship. All of this portrays an inaccurate understanding of God.”
On one page Captivating says this, “Beauty is the most essential and, yes, the most misunderstood of all the feminine qualities. We want you to hear clearly that it is an essence every woman carries from the moment of her creation. The only things standing in the way of our beauty is our doubts and fears, and the hiding and striving we fall to as a result.” While some of this could be considered accurate and we do have the potential to be beautiful before God there’s more than just our fears and doubts standing in our way. There’s one main thing standing in our way that is stronger than any type of fear or doubt, sin. Sin is what separates us from God. God does not see you as beautiful. God loves you in spite of your sin, but he doesn’t find you beautiful. It is only when you have been washed clean in the blood of the Lamb, Jesus, that he sees you as beautiful, because when he looks at you, he no longer sees you He sees Christ. And Christ is gorgeous!!!
While I’m not positive that this is where the authors came up with the title, there is one passage in Proverbs that refers to a husband being captivated by his wife. However, I took a look at a The Message (a paraphrase of the Bible that attempts to take the Hebrew metaphors and concepts and convert them to modern English) and The Message translates that same verse this way, “Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose - don't ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!” (Proverbs 5:19) Slightly different meaning then when we think of captivating a guy, isn’t it?
I think we as women ought not to be so concerned with being “captivating.” I think we ought to be more concerned with being “captivated.” “Christian” America is teaching its young women that we should fall in love with Jesus while we wait for Him to bring us the “perfect” man. How about we start teaching our young women to be captivated by God regardless of the man he may or may not bring into our lives. How about we teach our young woman to focus on Christ not because when we focus on Him we will be found beautiful by men but because an obsession with Christ is what he deserves because of what He’s done for us!
This song by Watermark is to me what the desire and prayer of every Christian young woman ought to be:
Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You
Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You
Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You
Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You
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