I have always been the girl who knew what she was doing. From the age of 8, I have known what I would study in college. From the age of 14, I have had a full plan for my life complete with two backup plans to pull into service depending on which part of plan A fell apart. Cause I'm crazy like that. (I maintain that everyone has their own brand of crazy, mine is obsessive planning. What's yours?)
I mentioned to my boyfriend a couple months ago how I needed a plan regarding a particular aspect of the future. He asked my how my obsessive need for planing left room for the Lord's leading. I told Him if God changed my plans, I'd be okay with that, but I have to have a plan. You know that expression eat your words? Yeah. That's what I've been wishing I could do for the past month.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11
Because the truth is it's easy to say you're okay with God flipping your plans upside down when He's never done so. Now, it would be a bit dramatic for me to say that's what happened to me. But God definitely threw me for a curve. And I know it was a God thing for his fingerprints were all over this past month.
Let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.
~Proverbs 23:17-18
It was a series of events and conversations all culminating with a conversation with my favorite college professor. The day before that conversation, I went for a walk on which I thought through everything that had happened over the last month. Tons of facts and questions filled my mind. I was anxious and nervous about my plans for the future.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. ~Matthew 6:34
So I met with my professor. And without me having to explain she addressed every single question and anxiety I had. Every. Single. One. And I cried. And I know it was God. Because after the tears, I accepted and had peace. Peace like I have not had in a month. I stopped worrying (well, mostly) and began to trust that while it is not my plan, it is the right plan.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:4-7
Now I'm looking at grad schools. And I'm slightly terrified, but I'm trusting.
"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame;
let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.
Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies."
~Psalm 25:1-10
And for my boyfriend, some verses about trees.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit."
~Jeremiah 17:7-8
Sincerely,