On Learning to Trust

I have always been the girl who knew what she was doing. From the age of 8, I have known what I would study in college. From the age of 14, I have had a full plan for my life complete with two backup plans to pull into service depending on which part of plan A fell apart. Cause I'm crazy like that. (I maintain that everyone has their own brand of crazy, mine is obsessive planning. What's yours?)

I mentioned to my boyfriend a couple months ago how I needed a plan regarding a particular aspect of the future. He asked my how my obsessive need for planing left room for the Lord's leading. I told Him if God changed my plans, I'd be okay with that, but I have to have a plan. You know that expression eat your words? Yeah. That's what I've been wishing I could do for the past month.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11

Because the truth is it's easy to say you're okay with God flipping your plans upside down when He's never done so. Now, it would be a bit dramatic for me to say that's what happened to me. But God definitely threw me for a curve. And I know it was a God thing for his fingerprints were all over this past month.

Let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.
~Proverbs 23:17-18

It was a series of events and conversations all culminating with a conversation with my favorite college professor. The day before that conversation, I went for a walk on which I thought through everything that had happened over the last month. Tons of facts and questions filled my mind. I was anxious and nervous about my plans for the future.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. ~Matthew 6:34

So I met with my professor. And without me having to explain she addressed every single question and anxiety I had. Every. Single. One. And I cried. And I know it was God. Because after the tears, I accepted and had peace. Peace like I have not had in a month. I stopped worrying (well, mostly) and began to trust that while it is not my plan, it is the right plan.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:4-7

Now I'm looking at grad schools. And I'm slightly terrified, but I'm trusting.

"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame;
let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.
Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies."
~Psalm 25:1-10

And for my boyfriend, some verses about trees.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit."
~Jeremiah 17:7-8

Sincerely,

He Is Risen!

One of my favorite parts of being homeschooled was that my mom never made me do the "stupid" assignments. You know, those assignments that you're teacher gives you, and you just think they're a huge waste of time? Yeah, my mom always skipped them. But once, when I was in about fourth grade, my mom didn't skip one of the "stupid" assignments. I guess she didn't think it was stupid, but I sure did. The assignment was to interview an elderly person. After much sighing and moaning, I chose to interview my grandmother. It seemed to make sense at the time as I am named after her. My first name, Carol, comes from her, not my middle name which is what I go by. Anyway, by the time I was finished "interviewing" my grandmother, I still thought it was a "stupid" assignment. And looking back on it, I still clearly remember her answers to two of the questions I asked her. Just two, but hey, I was only nine.

One question was what is one invention/discovery that happened during your lifetime. Her answer was penicillin. She was a nurse, so it makes sense that penicillin would be what she considered most important. It blew my mind that my grandmother had lived in a time when penicillin wasn't in use. The other question was what is your favorite holiday. Her answer was Easter. I have never forgotten that. At the young age of nine, I couldn't imagine why Easter would be anyone's favorite holiday. I mean, it was warm and springy, and I got free candy. But favorite? Better than Thanksgiving? Better than Christmas? Impossible. Or is it?

Now, eleven years later, I tend to agree with my grandmother. While there's still something more "holiday-ish" about Christmas, there's something even more special about Easter. And the reason for this was part of my grandmother's answer. But at the age of nine, I couldn't, or didn't, understand.

Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. 1 Corinthians 15:12-19

What I didn't understand at the young age of nine was the truth made clear in 1 Corinthians 15. The truth that my faith, what drives much was what I think, say, and do, is pointless if Christ is not risen. If we worship an unrisen Christ, "we are of all people most to be pitied." We have no hope. What we celebrate at Easter is the rising of Christ which gives us hope in this life and the next. What could bring more joy than that?


Sincerely,