A New Kind of Idol

When Christians talk about idol worship we always mention things like money, television, and people. But I've been thinking about something else that can become an idol, something no one ever mentions when listing potential idols. Something almost everyone idolizes at least at some point in their life. The scale. I've been dieting and exercising and I feel great. But one trip to the scale can send me into a tailspin of negative emotions, frustration, and even anger. Every time I walk into my room I see that scale, that little square of plastic and other inner material that screams at me telling me I'm doing a terrible job, I'm a failure, I can't do it. And yet, I continue to step on, continue to judge myself by what the scale "says." I hang on it's every "word" like it's a . . .well, like it's a god. I won't do this anymore. So today, the scale is going in my parents room. I will step on it once a week and that's it. And if it tells me something I don't want to "hear" I won't let it destroy my day. I can't. Enough. I'm "smashing" this idol!

Keep on singing,

Project March Update . . . Say What?

Okay, I know. It's not March. But, I owe you all one final project March update! Not that you all really care that much :P
Anyway, the journaling went pretty well over all. Those 5 extra credit points really push a girl! Only about 17 days left and I've guaranteed my (much needed) extra credit points.
The devotions everyday did not go so well. In fact, it went pretty terribly. I really need to find a way to work that into my everyday schedule. It's not as though I feel distant from God. In fact, for the past year and a half I've felt closer to God and felt I have a stronger relationship with him then I ever have. Yet, I know this is something that I'm supposed to be doing. . . or is it? I know I'm supposed to be growing closer to God and everyone always tells you that the way to do that is through a personal daily devotion but . . . What do you think? How do you stay close to God in your everyday walk?
Next part of Project March, my room. It is currently clean. However, beyond those two drawers I did back in the first week of March I haven't gotten any further in organization. I still have one desk drawer, six dresser drawers and one whole cabinet. *sigh*
And that diet? Well, it's going okay. I've been really frustrated recently with our scale. I was slowly losing, in fact I was down a whole 5 pounds and then suddenly it added back the five pounds plus two more! I was so frustrated because I hadn't over-eaten or anything. The only thing I can think of was that I'd done the 30 Day Shred two days in a row and maybe I was gaining muscle. But still, not that much muscle! Stupid Scale. I think I'm going to rename the 30 day shred the 20 pound shred cause there's no way I'm moving past level one after only 10 days. It's killer! My cousin calls it the "Death Workout" :D
So, needless to say, all four of my March goals will be continuing to April and it's now--Project April!! Just what you guys wanted to hear right?

Keep on singing,

Adverbs Matter

I promised a follow up post about my statement over here saying that "you're a Christian, so you know you shouldn't want to be attractive!" Well i just so happens that one of the best ways to explain my recent thoughts about this is to talk about something else I like. I like grammar. A lot. And it bothers me when people ignore words, even if it's just an adverb or an adjective. Because really, an adverb is never just an adverb and an adjective is never just an adjective. Every word in a grammatically correct sentence is important; it serves a purpose. Adverbs tell you how something is done. He ran quickly. The child was happy. See? Without these words the sentences are pretty boring. He ran. The child was. It just loses something, and those are just simple sentences.
This is a little more complex: Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. You all recognize this sentence right? It's from 1 Peter 3:3. Funny, you never hear people ignore the adjective in this sentence-fine. Let's explore what that would look like. "Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on apparel." Read that way, the Bible's instructing young women to not wear clothing, and we know that's not the case.
So why do we always ignore the adverb in this sentence-merely. We teach our youth to not let their adornment be outward. But that's not what it says! The Bible never says that we shouldn't dress or look attractive. It simply says we shouldn't let that be our only beauty. According to dictionary.com the word "merely" means "only as specified and nothing more." (Disclaimer: Just to be sure I wasn't some how completely off base I checked with my dad [who majored in classical studies in college, i.e. ancient Greek and Latin] and merely is not an English translation addition. It's there in the original too)
Why do we do this??? We teach our young women that they should be healthy, thin, and modest. But then we tell them that outward appearance doesn't matter. And I understand that man looks on the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart. But guess what? I hate to break it to you, but we're human. Women are designed by God to be physically attractive to men. Why do we teach our girls to fight that? And before you start thinking I've gone completely off track and I'm gonna starting telling all the teenage girls I know to go out and by trashy, immodest clothes and wear tons of makeup, that's not what I mean at all.
Women are everything men are not . . . we're feminine. We don't need to wear trashy clothes and tons of makeup to be attractive to men (that crosses the line from attractive to sexy*). We already are naturally, if we're healthy. And we shouldn't fight this. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be what we were made to be. The problem comes when it takes precedence over things which are more important like God.
So guess what? If you're a woman and you're a healthy body weight, you are attractive to men. And if you're a woman and not a healthy body weight, there's not reason to resist wanting to become one. Simple as that. Don't fight it, embrace it. Be who you were made to be.


*More about this later.

Project 4 ~ The Me

The fourth project in my series of four is--the me! Or...er... me, just me. Me.

Me--Transparent. Me--Honest. Me--healthy.

It's hard being transparent. I've realized that and I've only been trying for what? 5 days? No one wants to admit their shortcomings. I could make a list of all my flaws right here, but I won't. If you ask me, I'll tell you, but just spouting them off cause I can doesn't benefit anyone. But the thing about being transparent with the world around you is that it makes you transparent to you. I have this theory; I think we spend so much time trying to convince the people around us that the fake me is actually the real me, that we start to believe it too. Now this can be a good thing or a bad thing. Example, you want to seem mature, so you start drinking coffee. Now, you think coffee is the nastiest stuff on earth, but you want to "fit in" with your cooler, much more amazing friends. And they drink coffee. So you drink coffee, and you tell them that you like it. And, sure enough, after a while you really think you do! Liking coffee is not a bad thing. Yes, you shouldn't have lied to people, but liking coffee isn't bad. Now for an example of the bad (which is far more common) kind -

You're overweight. You know it. Your family knows it. Your friends now it. You try to not to think about; you try to make it not seem so awful. You call it overweight instead of fat or (heaven forbid!) obese*. But the fact remains--you weigh much more than you should, much, much more. But you're a Christian, so you know that we should be concerned with inner beauty not outward beauty. And you're a Christian, so you know you shouldn't want to be attractive**! So you convince yourself that you don't care . . . and your weight goes up. And you try to diet, but you keep telling everyone that you don't care how you look, it's all about who you are on the inside. You start to think that you really don't care, it really doesn't matter. But deep down, you know. You know that it does matter. You do care. You're sick and tired of being who you are and you just wish that you could be - something else. But you put on your happy face and tell others (and yourself) that you don't care. See how damaging that can be?

Now that first example is so not me! I really do like coffee. I like it a lot actually. And I drink it even when my friends don't and when my brother tells me it's nasty, and I lose respect in his eyes every time I drink it (and he's only half kidding!). But that second example?? That's me. No one wants to admit that they're fat, but there comes a point in life where you (where I) can't deny it anymore. So I tell myself that it's okay, that Jesus loves me anyway. And He does! But it's not okay.

I've always thought that I was overweight. Even when I was little, and by little I mean like six. I loved to play dress up with my friends, but, at the same time, I dreaded it. I hated feeling like I wouldn't fit in all those cute little dresses my friends wore. And you know what the funny thing is? I wasn't even that much larger than they were!

That's me on the left. The right is my friend Cherie, you know, the one getting married!

Silly wasn't I? To think that six year old me was fat? Oh if I was only that "fat!" I don't know why I thought that then, but I did. And sure enough, it became like a self fulfilling prophecy. Here's another picture of us, taken back in 2007. By this time I now longer took full body shots (I don't think I have any from the past 6 years or so!).

Seriously, it's pics like this that make me just love my Chee! I'm so blessed to have a friend like that since, well, infancy.

Now, I don't actually believe I'm overweight because I thought I was when I was six. I know that being overweight is actually hereditary (I learned that in Psyche class of all things!), and my inactivity (can I help it I book is more interesting to me than sports?? :P) certainly doesn't help matters! But I've tried losing weight in the past and I've never succeeded. I always wondered why. I mean, I wanted it badly enough . . . or did I?

In the past two months I took a good hard look at myself and my weight. And I don't like what I see. I've lied to myself. I've told myself that I don't care what I look like. I've told myself that I shouldn't want to be attractive**. I've told myself that I couldn't help it. But I do, I should, and I can.

All of this (whew, this is a long post! Sorry for all the rambling!) has led to project four. Me. No more lies.

I'm fat--I don't want to be. I don't think I'm pretty--I want to. I want to do this--and I can!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13.

*rabbit trail - isn't it funny how some words just sound grosser than others. Say chocolate. Nice word right? Sounds pretty, rolls off your tongue. Say obese. Eww. Am I right?

**More about this in a later post.