Holy Lack of Posts, Batman!

Not that lack of posts are holy. Or even something noteworthy considering practically no one reads this blog.  (Please, don't hate me for calling you no one if you are someone who reads this blog). It's just a saying. . .

Anyways, I have no excuse for not posting for hmm, let's see. . . six months? Yeah, six months. But I haven't exactly done a ton of interesting things either. So you're really not missing much. I finished the first semester of my senior year, served on my first (and hopefully last) jury, watched one of my best and dearest friends get married, got a job as a part time nanny, went to the Bronx Zoo with my boyfriend and bought Josiah the Red Panda, spent some time visiting at the hospital when my dad had a pulmonary embolism and spent a whole week there, headed to Maine for a week with my boyfriend and two other super close friends, ended my job as a nanny (much to my sadness) so that I could start student teaching, and started student teaching three days after Labor Day. So that was my six months in a nutshell. There's no accurate way to sum up the highs and lows of a summer, but this one was crazy and uneventful all at the same time. The scary part? I have absolutely no idea what next year holds. Maybe nannying, maybe grad school, maybe teaching?? Hopefully I'll actually remember to post about some of the interesting things I do. But don't count on it. . .

And for good measure, some pictures.

Ali's Wedding

Giraffes at the Bronx Zoo!

Take your boyfriend to work day. They're making me tea.

Josiah the Red Panda begins his travels.

Nate and Shelby in Maine

Eric and I in Maine

Maine!!

Sincerely,
 

On Learning to Trust

I have always been the girl who knew what she was doing. From the age of 8, I have known what I would study in college. From the age of 14, I have had a full plan for my life complete with two backup plans to pull into service depending on which part of plan A fell apart. Cause I'm crazy like that. (I maintain that everyone has their own brand of crazy, mine is obsessive planning. What's yours?)

I mentioned to my boyfriend a couple months ago how I needed a plan regarding a particular aspect of the future. He asked my how my obsessive need for planing left room for the Lord's leading. I told Him if God changed my plans, I'd be okay with that, but I have to have a plan. You know that expression eat your words? Yeah. That's what I've been wishing I could do for the past month.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11

Because the truth is it's easy to say you're okay with God flipping your plans upside down when He's never done so. Now, it would be a bit dramatic for me to say that's what happened to me. But God definitely threw me for a curve. And I know it was a God thing for his fingerprints were all over this past month.

Let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.
~Proverbs 23:17-18

It was a series of events and conversations all culminating with a conversation with my favorite college professor. The day before that conversation, I went for a walk on which I thought through everything that had happened over the last month. Tons of facts and questions filled my mind. I was anxious and nervous about my plans for the future.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. ~Matthew 6:34

So I met with my professor. And without me having to explain she addressed every single question and anxiety I had. Every. Single. One. And I cried. And I know it was God. Because after the tears, I accepted and had peace. Peace like I have not had in a month. I stopped worrying (well, mostly) and began to trust that while it is not my plan, it is the right plan.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:4-7

Now I'm looking at grad schools. And I'm slightly terrified, but I'm trusting.

"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame;
let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.
Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies."
~Psalm 25:1-10

And for my boyfriend, some verses about trees.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit."
~Jeremiah 17:7-8

Sincerely,

He Is Risen!

One of my favorite parts of being homeschooled was that my mom never made me do the "stupid" assignments. You know, those assignments that you're teacher gives you, and you just think they're a huge waste of time? Yeah, my mom always skipped them. But once, when I was in about fourth grade, my mom didn't skip one of the "stupid" assignments. I guess she didn't think it was stupid, but I sure did. The assignment was to interview an elderly person. After much sighing and moaning, I chose to interview my grandmother. It seemed to make sense at the time as I am named after her. My first name, Carol, comes from her, not my middle name which is what I go by. Anyway, by the time I was finished "interviewing" my grandmother, I still thought it was a "stupid" assignment. And looking back on it, I still clearly remember her answers to two of the questions I asked her. Just two, but hey, I was only nine.

One question was what is one invention/discovery that happened during your lifetime. Her answer was penicillin. She was a nurse, so it makes sense that penicillin would be what she considered most important. It blew my mind that my grandmother had lived in a time when penicillin wasn't in use. The other question was what is your favorite holiday. Her answer was Easter. I have never forgotten that. At the young age of nine, I couldn't imagine why Easter would be anyone's favorite holiday. I mean, it was warm and springy, and I got free candy. But favorite? Better than Thanksgiving? Better than Christmas? Impossible. Or is it?

Now, eleven years later, I tend to agree with my grandmother. While there's still something more "holiday-ish" about Christmas, there's something even more special about Easter. And the reason for this was part of my grandmother's answer. But at the age of nine, I couldn't, or didn't, understand.

Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. 1 Corinthians 15:12-19

What I didn't understand at the young age of nine was the truth made clear in 1 Corinthians 15. The truth that my faith, what drives much was what I think, say, and do, is pointless if Christ is not risen. If we worship an unrisen Christ, "we are of all people most to be pitied." We have no hope. What we celebrate at Easter is the rising of Christ which gives us hope in this life and the next. What could bring more joy than that?


Sincerely,

Cool Like That

Reason number 4, 573 (yes, I did just make that number up) why I love my boyfriend--because when I text him telling him that I'm googling window seats, he doesn't tell me I'm crazy or wonder why.

He just sends me a link to some flowers that would look wonderful planted outside to be gazed upon from said window seat.

Cause he's cool like that.

Sincerely,
 

Values

Tonight in class, my professor asked us what we considered to be our values. She said what we value dictates who we are. So we composed a list with all the cliche answers like honesty, integrity, kindness, caring, communication. You know, values. But it got me thinking. How many of those values that I can list so easily actually dictate who I am? How many of them are actually values? I say I value gentleness, but am I gentle? Would people know what I "value" by a random meeting with me? I pray that they would.

This, all typed out, seems rather dramatic. I don't mean it to be. I'm just thinking it through. Care to share your thoughts?


Sincerely,
 

What's this? Me, appreciating Shakespeare??

I have made it clear that I don't like Shakespeare. But this sonnet I appreciate.


When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, 
I all alone beweep my outcast state 
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate, 
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, 
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, 
With what I most enjoy contented least; 
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state, 
Like to the lark at break of day arising 
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
     For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
     That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Sincerely,
 

Sometimes you just need to wear purple shoes. . .

Week one of senior year--done! Only a bunch more to go. I had some trouble accessing my online courses this semester. By the time I could, I already felt a little behind. Add to that the podcast in which the professors declares "this will probably be the hardest class of your college career. Be prepared," and I had a stellar weekend. However, I did find a collection of poorly made, but nevertheless helpful, free audiobooks of Shakespeare's plays. These should help my understanding of the plays.

Yesterday, I finished The Great Gatsby. I found it thoroughly depressing and said so on Facebook. That post gathered more comments than anything I have posted recently both in support of the book and in support of my dislike. I like discussing literature with people, but I'm not a huge fan of writing papers about it. I don't usually dig deep enough into "what the author is trying to say." Can't he just be trying to say what he said?

Highlight of the semester so far: my boyfriend got a new computer so we can now Skype again. This makes me beyond happy. I'm pretty sure those weekly Skype dates will be one of the main things that gets me through this semester.

I didn't want to come into work/school today. So I brought my purple heels. I say brought because there's no way I'm wearing these things on the train, so I wore flats and changed once here. Happiness is cute purple heels.

And that, my friends, is a picture of what my mind looks like today. You can thank me later.

Sincerely,
 

What I Learned On My First Day of Senior Year

1. Any attempt to save money by taking coffee with you to school instead of buying it once at school is a waste of time. You will just finish the coffee from home during your commute and just want to buy more once you get to school. All this means is that instead of two cups of coffee this morning, I had three.

2. Nyack will, at least once every semester, somehow manage to mess up. This year's attack of choice? Inability to access my online courses of which I have three.

3. I did not (despite the many times I try to convince myself) miss school. I missed friends. I might even have missed work. I did not miss school.

4. Happiness is new folders.

(To be completely honest, I already knew this fact. However, I was reminded of it today.)

5. Don't get too excited over new purchases lest you crash rapidly from your purchase induced high when one of the products turns out to be less than stellar. Down one folder. . .

5. Always keep a back-up pair of earrings somewhere safe in your bag. Loss of earring can take an outfit from cute to bummish in about five seconds flat. Also, loss of earring makes you sad.

6. Pay attention to where you step. You may just find a missing earring.

7. Jesus was a fantastic teacher. Seriously. Go read the book of Mark.

8. When you arrive home super late and freezing, don't forget the stash of very chocolatey chocolate cookies from your baking-to-avoid-thinking-about-the-future craze of two days ago. They might just make your night.


Keep on singing,
 

Good Goodness

I'm a college senior.

When did that happen? Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to be this close to done. However, it really hit me yesterday for the first time. I'm a senior. In one year, I will be a college graduate joining the throng of Americans desperately searching for a job.

I'm a planner. I like to have plans, and I like planning. That being said, I'm usually fine when God takes my plans and spins them upside down (which He's done on occasion), but I still like to have a plan set. I have no plan past December other than find a job. Not a very concrete plan. But where? How? Do I look here in New York only to leave in (hopefully) a year or two? Or do I start looking in Pennsylvania and go through all the extra work of getting PA certified, learning how to drive, and having to find an apartment. Do I try to get into a school mid-school year, or just find a job at a tutoring center or daycare to start with and work from there? There are too many options, too many variables.

I was crazily thinking through this last night before bed (not a good plan). My wonderfully amazing boyfriend suggested that I pray about it. Of course, he's right. I've been trying, but I'm still not good at this trust thing. I still want a plan. So I sniffled myself to sleep (not a full out cry, I'm not that pathetic. Just a little frustrated sniffling), curled up with my stuffed giraffe named Leopold. Yes, I have a stuffed giraffe name Leopold. Isn't he cute?

Anyway, I spent most of today trying desperately not to think about the future with minimal success. Though I found that this led to a pretty productive day. I went shopping and made pesto, bruschetta, and chocolate cookies. Now I am blogging. With chocolate cookies.

 It's not all bad.

 Sincerely,