Feeling Foolish

Have you ever done something so dumb you just felt like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet? Well that's how I felt this morning with tears and all. And then I thought, what can a learn from this. So, in a moment of frustration, I pulled my study Bible off the shelf and flipped open the topical index to look up stupidity. Nothing. And then I thought, stupidity isn't really a "Bible word." So I looked up foolishness and sure enough, there it was. And then my brilliant plan backfired. My topical index led me to Mark 7. Here's what it said in Mark 7:21-23 ~ For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man." Wow. Foolishness is right up there with adultery and fornication. Who da thunk? And at first that just made me more depressed. But then, I thought about it some more. If I can think of foolishness as part of my human nature, then my foolish actions are covered under the grace of God! Does that mean that I can go around without thinking of my actions and doing whatever I want? As Paul would say, "Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:2). However, it does mean that I don't have to freak out every time I make a foolish decision. For "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). And even if I can't seem to forget that stupid mistake I made. God can. Hebrews 8:12 "For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more."

On This Day

September 11. The mere uttering of this date evokes somber faces, anger, and tears. Every year on the anniversary of this date there is a ceremony. A ceremony at which they read all the names of the people who lost their lives on that day. It shows on every channel we get in our house and goes on for hours (as I type it's been going on for almost two hours and they're only at the G's). And I can't help but wonder, is this really beneficial? Don't get me wrong, what happened on that day ten years ago was a national tragedy, a tragedy that left all Americans feeling unsafe in their own homes. And yet, they're still gone. No matter how many times we read their names and wish them back, they're still gone. I work with young children, children who are so young they have no recollection of life before 9/11/01. What does this mean to them? Not much, it's history to them. I have a friend whose birthday is tomorrow and I've often wondered, what was his 7^th birthday like back in 2001. Did he really understand what was going on? Could he comprehend why no one was celebrating on his birthday?

These thoughts leave me feeling cold and heartless. This is my city, my neighbors, shouldn't I feel more patriotic? Shouldn't I watch this ceremony with tears streaming down my face? But I don't. The only thing about this ceremony that makes me want to cry is the terrible theology of the people reading the names. Hearing people tell their dead loved ones that they are praying for them, that 9/11 was fate, that maybe if It had been another day they wouldn't have died, asking them to help the family still on earth is what makes me want to weep. If these people only understood the grace of our great God.

And then I realize, they don't. They don't understand the grace of God . . . and chances are neither did their loved ones. And that makes me want to weep. Terrorists attacks are tragic, but far more tragic is the number of people who died not knowing my Savior. And so I understand why these people recite names. Maybe I would too if I didn't have faith in my awesome God. But as for me? I've moved on. On this day, I'm not going to spend hours mourning the lives lost. A few moments of respectful silence is all I need. On this day, I'm going to live for those who live with me. I'm going to hug, love, and care for the ones who actually need the hugs, love, and care. And I'm going to pray. But not for those who are already gone; I can't do anything for them. I'm going to pray for those whose lives are not yet lost, for those who still have a chance to learn of the love of my Savior.

Won't you join me?

Love

"My business is to show love to others, not to seek that others love me." Robert C. Chapman
Seeking love for self is merely a showing of pride. To think that love is owed to me by others is to think that I am worthy of love. I am a sinner saved by grace, there is nothing lovely in me. As I love, I am displaying God's grace to others. To live as Christ lived is to show love. God is love. Therefore, I ought to be love. There is no love in pride except love for self. May God love through me!

Keep on singing,

Worth It All

Every once in a while you come across something that makes all the negative things worthwhile. This summer, that was true of me. Or rather, I came across seven someones that made all the negative things worthwhile.

Keep on singing,

Therefore I hope in Him

This summer was a hard one, harder then I ever imagined a summer could be. And yet, I learned so much. Hopefully as I continue to reflect on the summer past I will find much to share. But for now, I have one thing. Towards the beginning of the summer, right as things started to getting tough, a dear friend directed me to Lamentations 3:21-24 This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!"
Great is Thy faithfulness!! This passage has power and evokes great emotions. There is even a famous hymn based on that part. However, the part that meant the most to me this summer was verse 24 - "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!" No matter what comes down the pike (and it was a lot this summer), I can have hope for the Lord is my portion. I give all to Him because He gave everything for me. That is what I learned this summer. The future is in His hands, not mine. He is my portion, therefore I have hope.

Keep on singing,

Lost Dreams Regained

Since I was a little girl

I've had these wonderful dreams

Dreams that formed and shaped

Who I strived to be

 

But I made a mistake

I put those dreams in front of You

I made them first and put you behind

I lost perspective

 

Now I realize

Your dreams for me are far better

Than anything I have planned

You have control

 

And if this is all there is

You're still in control

If this is all there is

I will be happy

 

If this is all there is

I will be content

If this is all there is

It is more than enough for me

 

All that I need

You give to me and more

I just need to remember that

Your plans are best

 

 

As the days come and go

I see all my dreams fulfilled

Not in the ways I planned

But in ways far greater

 

You've filled my life

With variations of my dreams

It may not be what I had in mind

But it's better than I imagined

 

And if this is all there is

You're still in control

If this is all there is

I will be happy

 

If this is all there is

I will be content

If this is all there is

It is more than enough for me

 

Hurt

Hurt. It’s a word that I don’t like to talk about. Nothing is supposed to be able to hurt me. I serve the Almighty God, Maker of heaven and earth. How dare I feel hurt by mere humans? And yet I do. Sometimes (like now) I just want to curl up in a ball and forget that there are other people in the world. And the stupidest part is that the pain I feel is mostly caused by myself. I set up unrealistic expectations from people and then I’m hurt when they don’t live up to my plans. This summer I got used to certain people never letting me down. But now, the people letting me down are the people I love the most this summer and I don’t know what to do about it. I hurt. They probably don’t even know what they’ve done. In fact, they haven’t even done that much. But what most people don’t realize about me is how very insecure I am. Like extremely insecure. So my friends are talking about something, around me, but not too me. And I freak out because I feel like they don’t trust me enough to tell me. Because apparently, they don’t. And I hurt. My friend, my friend who told my mother that I helped him survive this summer, keeps going back to the friends who ditched him. And I hurt.
When does the knowledge that God is enough reach to the heart? I’ve said it; I know it; I believe it. So why isn’t that good enough? Why do I still hurt?